The Other Side of Failure

As you can probably guess from the title, I didn't pass. Even typing it out now, it doesn't fully feel real. There's a whirlwind of emotions going through my head but a stand out among them is the heady realization that I don't know what comes next.

My whole life, I've been a planner. I've always gone from Point A to Point B knowing exactly how I'm going to get there and exactly what I'm going to do there. Up until now, my plans have never suffered a major setback. Up until now, I've been lucky enough to never have been derailed so completely. I'm no longer qualified for my job, the one I had the interview for. I can't do many law-related things but clerk and volunteer until the second bite at the apple comes in February.

I've never not had a plan. I've never started from scratch. There is so much freedom, it's a bit overwhelming. This is a brand new experience and in a very strange, very tiny way, I'm kind of thankful. I haven't stopped going since the 10th grade. Not for a single season. It's been school, study, work, volunteer every day leading up until now. And now, I'm (and I know it sounds strange to say) blessed with plan-free time. Everything from this point on is unknowable and I am excited and frightened at the thought.

The only things I know for sure are:

• This is surviveable and
• I will have to be ready come February

Beyond that, everything is a blank page. And I'm not completely sure that's the worst thing.

"The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won."

Life Lessons from the Courtroom

As part of my job, I get to go to hearings a few times a week. The first few times, I was mostly just overwhelmed at the sheer amount of things I'm going to be expected to remember. Then, once it started to feel more familiar, I started paying attention to the behavior of the attorneys and witnesses. What started off as a list of 'What To Do/What Not To Do' became a list of more generally applicable Dos and Don'ts. Who knew life and courtrooms had that much in common?

So without further ado....

1. Be still and listen.
2. People try to help you more often than you think. If you're not careful, you might miss it.
3. Being the loudest doesn't make you the most powerful (or the most effective).
4. Be the river, not the stone.
5. Know before you speak. If you don't, at least think before you speak. If you can't, don't speak.
6. Don't get ruffled by the whispers.
7. Pick your battles. Not everything is a war.